I need a young priest and an old priest…

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Pretty sure I need an exorcist. Something has taken over my body and is making me do crazy things.

I am currently on day 30 of the Whole30. What the hell? 

I bought new tennis shoes and I am excited for my next day in the gym. Wait, what?

I ate some (like, very few some) sugar today (and pretty much everyday this week) and I have had a raging head ache since causing me to continue to try and kick the shit. Who are you?

Here is the kicker, I want to go to all (and there are a lot) of people whom I totally judged for having to modify everything in public because they were on some special food restriction for one reason or another and apologize because I am one of those people now…dammit.

Don’t get me wrong, I will still judge and ridicule, but it will be with a new found assertion because I can mock myself. “God, we are such tools” instead of “you are a tool”. See, much better.

This thing that has invaded my body has not caused any change in its physical appearance and that is not as big of a deal as I thought it would be (further proof that this alien force has messed with my psyche).

It has put on spandex-like materials and entered public areas with other humans like it is no big deal and proceeded to move my body in very unflattering ways (squatting, bending at waist and sticking head up while throwing arms behind my back, laying on my back and kicking my legs, even jogging on a movable strip of rubber?! wtf?!).

It has convinced me that it is okay to watch The Voice and then go to bed with little to no guilt.

The thing has even allowed me to eat a cookie and not feel like I need to go in the bathroom and whip my back with chains, but rather say “mmmm that was good, but I have a headache now and I don’t need anymore”. Those are not words I would say.

And the world hasn’t come crashing down just because my allergies are acting up and I am tired. Only once did I think I had a tumor in my sinuses. That is a flipping miracle,

And my gift to this thing for getting through the whole 30 days without giving up? A new pair of tennis shoes and overpriced workout pants. WHAAAA???? Not an entire cake? Not a whole box of Mike ‘n Ikes? Not even a Diet Coke? Nope. Things that will keep it going.

So now what?

I am going to keep going. I am going to embrace this alien thing inside of me and welcome it into the many personalities I have picked up on my journeys and encourage it to kick the shitty personalities that still remain out.  I am going to go to the gym tomorrow. I am going to make a new egg bake for my breakfast on the go. I am going to grab some more kale tomorrow for my green smoothies. I am going to eat some french fries if I want to (but only if I want to). I am not going to say I can’t have certain things (because I am not one of those people), but I am going to stay way from things that make me fell like less of a rock star.

I might fail. The thing inside of me may not want to fight all the time. I may want to throw in the towel. I may not “look” the way I feel.

And that is okay. This little slice of internet will be here for me to read and come back to.  I can always come back.

But hopefully I will stay.

Up next: How to feed your children shitty ass food while you eat clean and feel great without wondering why they are acting like assholes. (looking for a guest blogger, cause I have no idea)

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