Yesterday I turned 35 years old. Can I get a hells yea??!!
I have not been much of a birthday fan. I do not mind the getting older thing, it is the I am kind of an asshole thing I can do without.
As long as I can remember, my birthdays have always been filled with family, love, gifts and good food. We all make a point to make sure the birthday person feels love. And I feel it from them, it just never came through from me to me. I have always filled the day reflecting on my life and my relationships and inevitably feel like I royally messed up another year. When I feel that way, the last thing I want to do is be with people who love me unconditionally.
This year was different. This year was amazing. The birthday routine is the same, but I am actually enjoying it this year!
The difference? I am happy with my life and I am happy with myself.
Looking back, I have never had a reason not to be happy with myself. It was just my head and mental illness.
This year has been the year of focusing on getting that shit figured out. I by no means have it figured out, but I am in the midst of trying, and that feels damn good.
The reflection this year, surprisingly, did not really happen. I did not even notice until today. I do not feel the need for it. I am happy in this day at this time and no need to replay anything.
The family gathering is this weekend and I better get some good shit.