I love Winter.
We love oatmeal. It may be a problem.
In of itself, loving oatmeal is not a bad thing. However, as a mother of three who reluctantly does whatever they want from time to time despite my bad ass nature, making and serving said oatmeal is an ordeal.
Here are the instructions so someone can give me when I lose my mind and can no longer function as a member of my family…
- Start a medium pot of water boiling
- Add a random amount of oatmeal. If you are a stick-up-you-ass type, go ahead and measure it out according to directions. You are now a Follower.
- Cook for about a minute. This results in a nice, thick, sticky oatmeal. Just the way I like it.
- Spread about half of it on a large plate, put in freezer to cool.
- While cooling, toss 4 slices of bread into toaster.
- While toast is…um…toasting, start a pot of coffee for yourself. Make it a whole pot, because it typically needs to last about 3 days
- Once toast is done, butter two for yourself, cut one in 4ths and spread now cooled oatmeal on them for one kid and butter and cut in half for the other. The third kid may yell at you if you give her toast, don’t bother
- Divide remaining cooled oatmeal into 2 bowls. The other third man out may yell at you if you give her just a bowl of oatmeal, don’t bother.
- Pour an ungodly amount of brown sugar over all the exposed sticky, tan oatmeal in an effort to hide the fact you are attempting to give your children something good (despite the fact that you are making it decidedly un-good by adding sugar)
- Place all 456 plates, bowls and cups on the table, return to kitchen, pour a cup of coffee, eat scraps off the counter, return to family eating area, pretend you are at a hipster breakfast place with background noise instead of your own children yelling, eat a entire bowl of oatmeal, two overly buttered pieces of toast in about 3 minutes.
- If Weekday: run to bedrooms, but out clothes for kids…start the getting ready for school war.
- If Saturday: Remove youngest from highchair, dust off the sugar from her face and clothes, grab cup of coffee, find couch and stay there for about an hour.
- In both scenarios, be sure not to clean up the table. If you do, you will be depriving yourself of the ability for massive amounts of blood to rush to your face every time you step on sticky oatmeal and it gets stuck to your foot, or every time you attempt to scrape dried, hardened brown sugar encrusted oats off the table.
Feel free to use this method, just give me credit. It has taken a lot of sweat and tears to perfect.
God I love this season. My In-laws found an awesome apple orchard slash working farm (I will post a link to the site when I get off my ass and get the name from the piece of paper in my car). This place was wicked. Tons of animals, a corn pit for the girls to play in and nummy apples. This place is the reason Fall exists. Wouldn’t it be awesome if I had the name of the place for you all?!