Rules of Parenting

Rules:
1. There are no rules.
2. Grab the camera first, ask questions later.
3. Keep notes with pictures to prove you had fun when they are older and are convinced they had a horrible upbringing.
4. Let them watch some TV. How else will they learn the word “hate” and “stupid”?!
5. Share them. “Oh, I’d love to watch your kids someday!” “Ok, how about Saturday night?”
6. Coffee (or wine. It’s not my thing, but go for it)
7. Let someone else take them to Chucky Cheese.

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Ace in the Face

Upon waking, actually before fully waking up, Adriana rolled over and said “mom, I remember being in your tummy. It was black and hazy and we were yellow”
Me: could you see your sister?
A: yes, she was yellow too.
R: (popping out of the blanket) I remember too, I was in this position (balls legs up to chest) and I was playing cards. (With a goofy face)’ya got an ace'”
Later, when getting dressed…
R; Adriana, I can see your butt!
Me: could you see each others butt in my tummy?
A: yes. Then I sat on her and dropped an ace in her face.

She bothered me with science.

Ruby (5) to Harper (2) (while eating raisins): Harper, if you eat this, it will travel down your body, you will poop it out, it will travel to the sewer, rats will eat it, they will poop it out, then it will live on for eternity getting eaten and pooped out. It is like it will be forever on a water slide or at a water park. 
Me: why water slide and water park?
Ruby: Because your body is like a water slide for food, then when it comes out, it lands in a water park where it waits for the next water slide. 
Harper: I don’t want to talk about it. (throws raisin on floor).

Routine

If I were to be honest with you, I strive for routine and normalcy, but thrive in chaos. This leaves me at a bit of a stalemate most of the time. I have a list and schedule that I can follow and get everything I need to done and have time to do more for myself. Instead, I choose to sit on the couch and think about things (typically while simultaneously surfing the web and catching up on Supernatural on Netflix). Then I give myself about 20 minutes to do the ‘task’ that was scheduled to take all afternoon. I go to bed almost every night exhausted. Not because I am physically wiped out, but from emotionally beating myself up for not following the plan once again. It is a self-designed set up for failure.  I know myself well enough to know that if I want to get something done, I have to not think about it. Conversely, if I want to ensure nothing gets done, I plan it.
I am also too well aware of my fear of success and my fear of failure. When I put those two together, it is a clusterfuck of inaction and self-loathing in its outcome. Unfortunately, as GI Joe (at least in my memory) once said, “knowing is half the battle.” Knowing this about me is only half the journey into the clusterfuck. The other half is taking the action to get out of it. I am in a constant state of trying to get to the later.
Here is the rub, I am not sure I have sufficiently been beaten into a state of willingness to take the action necessary to dig my way out of the jam I actively walked into. I know that I can. But Alphas is on. So maybe tomorrow.

2 down, 754 to go

I have taken some pride in being a laid back, it-will-all-work-out mom. Two weeks ago, that pride took a major hit. Up until then, I could not wait until my oldest daughters started kindergarten. Knowing we were planning on a full day program, the idea of a whole 6-7 hours big-kidless seemed awesome. One week before the big day, I lost my shit.
As you may know, I am a control freak. At the meet-and-greet for the kids a week before school, we found ut they would be in seperate classrooms. All logic and reason flew from my soul when I read that and I spirled into a holy-shit-I-just-broke-my-kids meltdown. That is not an easy thing to do when I am standing with my two five year olds in a packed hallway where 95% speak spanish (duel immersion school). So I smiled, walked to the edge of the crowd and waited for my husband to arrive to proceed. Seeing his face releived some of the anxitiy, until we had to split up to meet the girls’ teachers. We got through it, I was a total bitch to my kids the rest of the day (becasue that is my coping mechnism) and I cried myself to sleep.
The next couple days were filled with second guessing, deserate searches for jobs to pay $1 million dollars a year for private school, less deperate searches for jobs to pay for therapy and a lot of talking to other moms.
The day off, we were up, dressed, fed and at the bus between the ass crack of dawn and super fucking early. Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Mom, Dad and little Sister all in attendance. Bus came, girls ran off (without a kiss) and they were gone.They came home, loved school and we did it again the next day (minus the audience). That was it. No more drama. No more tears from me. I was alright.
Then, it was my Baby’s first day of preschool. Like her big sisters, she wanted nothing to do with the kiss-your-mom at the door fiasco. By the time I picked her up, she was happy, tired and ready to go back. I cried all day and then to sleep.

I miss them. But, after surviving the first couple weeks, I am getting stronger, but, unfortunately, the kids are struggling a bit. The lack of play time and quick meal times is starting to show in their attitudes and energy levels. Back to whining and snacking!
The biggest thing I learned from this process is that I am a good mom. I don’t say that to sound egotistical (but, let’s face it, I kind of am), it is just that my kids are ok. They were not afraid to try something new. They have been able to transition into a new environment well. I am also ok. I am not just sitting around watching soaps (despite my desire to). I feel good about this chapter. I am excited, scared and walking forward. There are so many exciting things in the works that I cannot wait to unveil and get moving on. 

Re-purposed Jacket to Card Holder (My First Tutorial!)

When my Mother’s Father passed away last year, we had the opportunity to go through his old clothes. I am not kidding when I say opportunity, this dude was hipster before hipster was hipster. We used a lot of his old plaid flannels to create pillows, bracelets, scarves and I am sure other things I am unaware of.

So when my Father’s Mother Passed away this year, my Mother saw the opportunity to create something for each of the women in the family to have of Hers. Actually, my Mother saw the opportunity for me to create something.

So here is what I came up with. This is my first attempt at documenting a project. As you may know, or as you will soon find out, I make stuff up as I go. I am not a professional anything (yet) and I am not always as classy as this blazer. In fact, I have been known to be downright ignorant and offensive. Take this information, go forth and hopefully learn a new project. Hopefully you can have some fun with it too.
Let me know what you think!

Re-Purposed Jacket to Gift Card Holder

Materials
A old peice of clothing or a scrap of wool/flannel/fleece cut to 4.5″ x 6″ 
Button or snap
Optional – fabric for an applique on the back
*I used a serger to connect the seams, a sewing machine to make the button hole and embroidery thread to attach applique and button. This can all be done by hand sewing techniques or with a sewing machine. 
Description 
My Grandmother was classy. I have no doubt that she is in Heaven with a blazer and pearls, sitting by a large pool, sipping a martini. 
This was one of her favorite staple blazers…
Starbucks Gift Card Holder- Back

Every year for Valentines Day, the women of the family go to Florida and they usually exchange a small gift during their trip.  My Mother decided she wanted to try to re-purpose the blazer into eight gift card holders like the one from Starbucks. So, naturally, hand it over to her daughter who is always willing to drop everything to craft for her. Here is what I did.

The trim of the blazer is nice and thick and the buttons are awesome vintagey (look it up haters) gold, perfect.

         
I cut out a template from a scrap piece of fabric. Because the material of the blazer is flexible and has a bit of give to it, I wanted it to be almost the same size as a gift card. So I made it 4.5″ x 6″

Allow me to interject something, like you really have a choice. I was talking to my Husband about how to describe the texture of this fabric. We were throwing out options and ‘supple’ was thrown in.  I now realize that word is not okay. I can not stop thinking of the word ‘nipple’ now. Making this project a bit more classy.

After finishing, I had plenty of room for several cards. I lined up the template so one of the short ends goes along the nice thick, trim.

  
I added a felt heart to the back of mine, you can add anything. It would be super hipster if you added a bird.
Do yourself a favor and follow that link. You will never be the same.

After applying the applique, lined up the button and the buttonhole. I did not take pictures of this process.

For this one, I was able to use one of the button holes that was on the blazer, so I just added the button. Pretty simple. For the seven others, I had to actually add the buttonhole and place the button. As I said earlier, this can all be done with a buttonhole embroidery stitch (this stitch can be used for both the buttonhole and the seam). Wondering how many more times I can say buttonhole? 

Then I serged the top seam, and serged the sides together (spellcheck does not recognize serged. Nor does it recognize spellcheck. Thought you should know). 

I did not set my tension correctly, looks sloppy.

As you can see, the tails that are left over from the serger are obnoxious. But, you do not want to just cut them, they will unravel over time. Like two minutes. The following pictures show what to do with those…

 I usually add some Frey Check on the place I cut, just to make sure it doesn’t poke through.

TaDa! 

  

Let me know if you have any questions. Pretty simple project. Enjoy!